Life with Las B...

  If these perfumes were movie characters, who would they be? Goddess by Beguile by Oma - Tully Harts, Firefly Lane. Seduction by Beguile by Oma - Jessica Pearson, Suits. Heibah - Donna Paulsen, Suits and Cookie Lyon, Empire Daisy Love by Marc Jacobs - Elle Woods, Legally Blonde and Caroline Forbes, Vampire Diaries  Versace Yellow Diamond Intense - Olivia Pope, Scandal and Mary Jane Paul, Being Mary Jane   Color me pink - Annalise Keating, How to Get away with Murder and Claire Underwood, House of Cards

  Like God forbid. What will I even be using the money for?  Buy mansion? Travel? Eat? Get jewellery? I don't even have desire for opulence so to speak. I just want to crack jokes with my siblings and friends, code and share my work with the world, make enough money for healthcare emergencies, watch movies, read books, do skincare and rest. I have quite a very boring aspiration in life. Again, thank you to social media for demystifying a lot of things. Before social media you would have all these huge aspirations to meet a top star or a celebrity but social media has shown us that most of these people are normal people. So you're like this rich people not different from us after all. So what exactly is the performativeness to want to adore or worship said person. And then there is the other part of seeing other people think like you, seeing people do vlogs about their daily life for that love the same things you do.  People that love the skin care or the reading, and all ...

When I think of happiness, it's not something I actively pursue. I don't think I have to reach for something to be happier than I currently am (except on my shit days). That self-awareness that external things don't have to make me happy is an attribute I'm incredibly grateful for. Like the way I'm disturbing my sisters when I had gone for a staycation and they literally be like - "Chinenye, ike gị gwụrụ mmadụ," "Nwa nkea, arụ adịrọ kwanụ gị." Same way I was disturbing my Briii sister in 2019 which was my brokest year. So even when I eventually scale what I imagine I'd like to achieve, I don't envision them making me happier. I think of them as leaving a little bit of legacy. And of course, making more money for emergency and convenience. I honestly do think we should start seeing making money as a legacy trail, other than something to bring happiness. But even that legacy trail is another responsibility cos everything is vanity. 

This prophetess looked at me with my resting bitch face and told me, "that boy you're seeing right now. If you're not careful, you'll get pregnant." My eldest sister I was with looked at her with a blank face. I myself all but burst out laughing.  But because she looked at me and saw someone that mixed *pink and golden* braids who was totally uninterested in the entire ministration gimmicks the few times I'd attended, she must have thought I was a child of the world. Mama didn't even know I just hated being forced to go to the ministry by my father. This happened when I was 17. Infact, I had not even hugged a male that wasn't family. Me that my family always ask me - "Bịa Chinenye, ọ nwerọdị ebe ị na-aga? Or friends you'd want to visit or something?" Ya kà ọ nọ na-asị pregnancy. At least, she should have mentioned spiritual husband or shit 😪 Na then I began understanding the psychology that goes into most of these them sightseeing. They ...

As someone who reads a lot of romance books and absolutely in love with kdrama, the reality of what I'd seen with love couldn't be more polar opposites .  I do envision love as vulnerable, empowering,  tender and being a place of comfort to both parties. Unfortunately, real life riddles you with stories that make you barf at the concept. Of course I know I shouldn't use experiences online as the yardstick of success. But then between Nigerian men, misogyny and all other variables, I'd say the men who fit in the characters of a spec are a dime a dozen. But like Moe Odele says. My standards in men is quite high that I've resolved myself to remain single than compromise. Definitely, tradeoffs aren't set in stone when pertaining to matters of the heart. But the solace is in that acceptance that "yes, it's actually okay to be single. To be alone." Than settle to a draining relationship that leaves you a shell of your former self.

 I've always been wondering what's my spiritual belief. Cos I'm not an atheist. Neither am I exactly skeptical about the existence of a higher being to term it agnostic. I just don't like the most content in the bible and the doctrines of Christianity So this non-practicing christian is really apt and puts my spirituality in better perspective.  I think I didn't grieve as much when my mother died because I really believed that I would see her in the afterlife in heaven when I die. So now that I am a non-practicing christian, I grieve more because I'd rather there not be heaven or hell. Make everyone just dissipate to the earth, turn to ash and be manure for plants.  So that makes me miss her absence even more as she didn't stay long with me on earth , cos I was barely 10 when she died 

 I used to say that I really really hate small talk. But the thing about hating it was really lack of knowledge on casual topics to converse in. Like really, small talk is just having a discourse around trends or news. For instance, this tweet is grounds for small talk. There are plethora of topics that would be indulged from it Wealth, class, dating, parenting, network, marriage, standards. Just about anything right The image about apple can also spur discussions on innovation, branding, class, and even human psychology  Small talk as I'm learning is being up to date with current news and trends. And then having the ability to infuse them in conversations. Once you grasp these 2 things, small talk is a breeze for real 

 I applied to dozens of publications. Got 1 positive callback. The one that responded rejected me 2 days after. I cried. I cried oo cos writing is supposed to be my shit. Why was I getting these rejections? I was so stressed. I even fell sick, no jokes 🤢  Then out of the blue, a LinkedIn connection I hadn't chatted with since April reached out to me - "Hey Chinenye. Are you open for a technical writing gig?" Ụmụnne m niime Chineke, I cried oo. Real tears of joy. If I dey go church, I for go do testimony in church cos God literally heard my silent prayers. I'm still shit as fuck at networking as I no dey everly go out. Go to tech events? mba Go to meetup kwanụ? nope Go for interview at an onsite company? asị asị Thank God the ones that know me dey put small bread in my tea, ekene dịrị Chukwu 🙏🙏

  This man captured most of my thoughts on marriage.  So for instance. I signed a contract for an internship. The 6 months is almost up and they re-evaluated my performance and want to retain me. And I'd love to stay back. Or I can quit and get another job. My contract doesn't stop me from quitting. On the other hand, I can also get a second job still. Probably do both at once for separate reasons - maybe I love the culture at the first one and want the money for the second one. In some companies, you can sign not to work for another company while others don't explicitly stipulate that. Look, you can replace everything job and double jobs with marriage, monogamy, infidelity, and they still match logically. I maintain - marriage should not be something solely governed by love. It should be a logical decision undertaken by two adults. Sign contracts while at it. Probably re-evaluate it periodically to access performance and all of that. To buy land, house, insurance even get ...

 I'd come across about 4 of my mutuals on twitter getting their technical articles published and I was envious as fuck! So jealous that I actually muted the word "article" on twitter  Note that I'd learnt about envy being longing/craving for something for yourself, but I was still jealous regardless. So last Saturday I said - "Chinenye, stop whining and write some damn articles if you think you're a good writer." So I wrote the first draft of not 1, but 2 articles that weekend and felt really satisfied. I also started reaching out to the publications I'd seen my mutuals publish on. And I actually got a response from 1 and it's a rejection email on halting publications from guest authors at the moment. But surprisingly, I don't feel too bad about the rejection. Cos better a rejection email than feeling like shit and inaction. Had I kept bemoaning, I wouldn't have done shit. Like just keep feeling jealous and they'll keep writing and ge...

With due respect to practicing Christians, please skip over this blog post. When I actually started seeing heaven as a joke was the concept of complete forgiveness. Pardon my mere non-spirit filled mind. So, if a rapist or murderer repents on his death bed, his/her sin is washed away just like that? But if the person raped loses their faith, he/she goes to hell. On the other hand, if the person clings onto God, he/she goes to heaven and also sees his/her rapist there??  And the funny part is, most of us are so scared of hell that staying in same heaven with terrible humans is still better than the idea of hell. It's akin to corrupt politician supporters who are promoting his campaign to fill their pockets. Proves again that human beings are inherently selfish beings. As long as ones condition is better, others can go to hell (quite literally). That's why I am not terribly invested in the heaven idea anymore. Surely, I know my mortal logical brain fan never comprehend what the e...

So, I just started reading this book - "Forget a mentor. Find a sponsor" and it's just eye opening on the stack differences between mentorship and sponsorship. I do feel every one of us aiming to progress in the corporate sector should read it  With the depicted example, I like to think of Harvey Specter and Mike in Suits If you watched suits, Harvey wasn't exactly about all the advice with Mike. He gives him challenges, and emboldens him to take up more roles. But most importantly, he staked his reputation on Mike. Even going as far as telling Jessica, that if she sacks Mike, he is going with him. That's sponsorship. Not necessarily Mentorship.

So here is my thinking - I post about Tech, books , kdrama, funny jokes, home organising, music (both secular and gospel), etc.  on my status Basically, things that I like. At the core of these values I hold dear - my abhorrence for organized religion, and pro-feminist ideals are inclusive But, you expect that I should not include them on my own status cos it makes you uncomfortable??  I actually do believe that such discomfort comes from a place of self-narcissism. See you, see Joe Goldberg 2.0. You're probably wondering, "How dare she has such contrary opinions, and not be depressed or be lacking somewhat in her life?" Smh. Kindly ask Jesus for forgiveness. Your soul actually does need saving more than mine If someone's values don't sit well with you, mute them.  Infact, block them, if possible. I never DM other people when they call feminism "ndị ifenemenisi," or those that say - "your soul is damned if you don't accept Jesus as your lord an...

A family friend reached out to my brother and said -  "Gị na daddy unu nọ ebe a, chọọ Ị hapụ ụmụnne unu nwaanyị ka ha nọdụ na be unu kaa nká" Translation - That he and my father are sitting back, without doing anything as the females remain married She even suggested places to go for spiritual consultation. My brother really struggled with the right response for a respected family friend and ended up replying with just a greeting. The thing with the older generation is that they truly do believe that marriage is the pinnacle of it all, specifically for women My father, thankfully, has never badgered me for marriage other than, "don't go and entangle with someone from faraway. I can't travel on longer routes now that I am older" But the whole marriage incitement is an epidemic.  When Nigerians say "marry early," it usually boils down to these arguments - 1. So you'll look like your kids' sibling instead of their parent 2. You don't want ...

So, I'm watching Sky castle, a kdrama and this character in the movie cut his wife's credit cards and said he'd stop wiring money for living expenses to her.  This is someone that's a stay-at-home mom, and basically runs and maintains the household Why did he cut off the cards? Cos the woman revamped the prison-like room he called study room for their children. Not for her personal gain, but for their kids And gave her 3 days ultimatum to revert things back as it were. As per head of the household. How dare she change things without his permission? First off... I am willing to die on the hill that "being a stay-at-home wife and mom" is a full-time job that requires full compensation as with every other job. Afterall, the cleaners in the offices, and chefs get paid. However, a woman is expected to do that for free. It's quite unfortunate that there aren't laws that officially recognise STH women's role yet. Maka ya kam ji sị... Even if said man has ...

 When you feel envious of others, it's really coming from a place of inadequacy of yourself. And I say this as someone that feels envious of others as well. And the sheer fact I am actively aware of this... Means that it's normal afterall. I know that: 1. You are not in competition with anyone other than yourself 2. You should measure your progress based on your past self 3. You shouldn't compare your background to others  4. The pace of everyone will not be same Hell, when I'm feeling the envy, I actually know that I am, and I shouldn't. But I just let myself feel that way instead of tryna quell it completely  So this is how I see it.  Most days I'm happy. Some days are shit days. Those occurrences don't negate the other fully exciting days. So when I have those feelings, I let it wash over me for those few moments. Let the shit days to pass. And then I'm back to normal.

I actually do enjoy watching all these tiktok aesthetics You know these videos that has several filming, long hours of editing, added colours and effects... I just relish basking in them. The world they create is called simulacra. It's Hyper-reality. Carefully curated for you to see their world in a specific way. Like DisneyLand. Like Marvel Universe. These videos have been warped to fit a certain image.  Many Cuts. Takes. To represent a kinda lifestyle. In reality, those scenes are most likely bland and as normal as anything. But these videos create an image that makes the lifestyle and views aspirational. So I live vicariously through them.

A Facebooker made a harmless post about "same way men select wives based on personality match, that's same way women choose their partners" And this man is spewing this. Because for him, all women who cross an age threshold are desperate and can't make a choice.  That's not even the problem I have with his stance. My issue is this : " So if I'm living alone at 45, who e concern. If apparently women don't feel fulfilled without marriage or kids, Are you the one feeling downtrodden with me? Is it not going to be me managing the "supposed" depression all by myself bikonu?" So why this always pains men like this beats me oo. I can't understand it eziokwu. I no fit.  Or is it cos they are so scared and can't envision the possibility that a grownass woman would find fulfilment all by herself without being with man?  Heiiiii... The thing rijuru m ọnụ. God forbid

 I know people shit on self-improvement nonfiction books But that genre doesn't only constitute career improvement, finance, public speaking, or relationships books... I find that I prefer the ones that deal with communication, psychology and self-introspection  So Here are my 5 most recommended -  1. You're not so smart (David McRaney) - this one made me get my head outta my ass in many prejudices I had 2. Ikigai (Francesc Mirlalles) - Think contentment in a piece of work. Finding balance where your needs, ambitions, desires, and satisfaction meets 3. Non-verbal communication (Marshall Rosenberg) - Think empathy in how we communicate. Quelling that anger to outburst (and none of the meditation required) 4. The defining decade (Meg Jay) - absolute recommended for those in 20s. Especially in this modern world 5. The art of witty banter (Partick King) - If you find small talk excruciatingly tiring like I do, you need to read this one

 On this whole domestic issue, there's nothing I can say that hasn't been said before I used to be one of those people that say - " it can never be me" Then, I read Colleen Hoover's "It all ends with us." And I kid you not, I was fervently wishing that the guy changes. He was an amazing person. Really praying, and it dawned on me on the inkling as to what DV victims feel. Colleen Hoover wrote the book based on her own mother's experience. Her father was a great parent, but terrible spouse. Her mom eventually got the courage to leave. Osinachi didn't. This woman didn't. And honestly, I no longer have an opinion on either of their choices.  Sure, she obviously knew that she was in a bad place. But as I'd been hoping that the MC in It all ends with us changes, they must have been doing same for their spouse. But they didn't survive  So I'm no longer team - "it can never be me" I'm team - *"God Abeg oo, may I not tr...