On Marriage and Prenuptials

 

This man captured most of my thoughts on marriage. 

So for instance. I signed a contract for an internship. The 6 months is almost up and they re-evaluated my performance and want to retain me. And I'd love to stay back. Or I can quit and get another job. My contract doesn't stop me from quitting.

On the other hand, I can also get a second job still. Probably do both at once for separate reasons - maybe I love the culture at the first one and want the money for the second one. In some companies, you can sign not to work for another company while others don't explicitly stipulate that.

Look, you can replace everything job and double jobs with marriage, monogamy, infidelity, and they still match logically.

I maintain - marriage should not be something solely governed by love. It should be a logical decision undertaken by two adults. Sign contracts while at it. Probably re-evaluate it periodically to access performance and all of that.

To buy land, house, insurance even get a job, you sign documents with myriads of clauses and disclosures to ascertain legality and protect yourself. But marriage, even the most legally binding of all of them, you're expected to sign only a sheet with your name, your proposed spouse's name and witnesses. And it's done? Just like that??

Some people be like "oh Chinenye, you're pessimistic oo. You're already thinking of the marriage ending before the marriage starts? You just need a godly marriage and bala blu bụla bla." Like this good man said in this video, "all marriages end in two ways - death or divorce." 

To back it up with my career again, when I'm signing a job contract, I'm hoping I'd have a great work culture and everyone performs well. But I still negotiated with them on the clauses, signed that I'll maintain a certain performance and I can quit when I want to. 

I don't wake up everyday thinking "when will I quit this job?" But if there are cultural shifts that become toxic, or they start defaulting on salary payment, I have my contract to back me up and I can leave without much hassles. It doesn't get more logical than protecting oneself. Better to have these clauses onset than 10 years down the line and feeling trapped in the institution and resenting the other person cos you've both grown and changed so much.

Imagine going about your career with "I'm not going to sign any contract and stay in a job that I absolutely abhor until I die because it's a sin or not right?" We are talking 35 - 60 years of resenting being trapped in an institution.

I would even argue that prenups set you up better cos both people love each other so much at that point and will be pretty much considerate of the other person in discussing the clauses, instead of dragging out the divorce for years, spending money on lawyers, brew more resentment with each other and even grow more discord with the kids(it they're are any).

For real, I know it's shocking that it's same Chinenye that loves and gushes over all the sappy romance novels and movies that end in marriage and happily ever after that's thinking like this. But this is 💯 how I see it. 

PS - I'm not advising on marriage as I never marry. Just stipulating what I should think of before getting into the marriage. Leemao, if I had actually done law in my undergraduate, I would have moved to U.S and be an amazing divorce lawyer. Plus it pays well kwu cos logic just flies outta the window for most people 

PPS - If you want to watch this, you can view it here - https://youtu.be/o5z8-9Op2nM?si=6RjZk2qXmVASPFM0