Notions (Feminism)

Whenever women's right talks/feminism comes up, and people blatantly starts to mock the movement, I either tune off or roll my eyes because as much as there are extremists/misandrists, you cannot deny the fact that feminism is an eye opener for a lot of women.

I'll use myself as an instance

As far back as secondary school (courtesy of unwarranted advice by some teachers), it was constantly drummed into us on the essence of being a model woman, who will go on to be a perfect wife.

So while my mates got admission at first trial and I didn't, my greatest fear was not that I was at home, but that I'll soon get older and wouldn't get married. The older bụkwa 22 after school. Heck, I was just 16!!!! Chukwu ekwekwana ụdị ka echiche a again!

That's the first point, the movement demystified the rush for that conjugal relations for me. I was still in secondary school, later home at 16 years old after graduation and the plan was that I would study in school, by the end of my final year I'd already be engaged so that as soon as I am outta the institution, I've already tied the knot. No career goals, no being my person, nada just to be 'Mrs.'

While that may be valid for some women, my case was different. I didn't know I had a choice. I didn't know there is another alternative to this path called life as a female. E nwerọ m any idea at all, nke ahụ bụ eziokwu.

Here's the thing, nobody, absolutely nobody drummed any of that into my ears from my family. Not a damn soul. 

But, I was watching Nollywood and the cliché stories of princes and meeting young girls with the 1000 yards of wife materialness and suddenly becoming mistress of the house. It never occurred to me that I should be thinking of my own money, ego nke m.

You go to church and ministries and the prayers are always to young ladies to settle down and sessions are organised to train young ladies to be good wives. Add the Bible verses with the teachings emphasised over and over again by Paul and Peter, then you're a puppet being stringed along with that indoctrination.

And you are unfortunate to be in Igboist, the worst of them all where the most chauvinistic talks take place.

You listen to older people around you, and what's on their lips is "how A is 26 and she is not married yet." You're at your secondary school group chat and most times, they talk about weddings and all of that. 

Imagine how liberating it is, to become a Facebooker and reading certain people and gradually, your psyche began to shift. And then you read up some more, and take in more introspection and you realise that most of that mindset you had was "Scam." One of the biggest scam of the century and that all those ridiculous thoughts don't mean nothing. This time, I am not talking about just marriage, all other issues that are being addressed by Feminism.

If I hadn't known what I know now, I would probably still be in Igboist. That group is the worst place to be if you're seeking liberation, because the numbers and their stance are still in the primitive age. This is the same group that a couple of years ago, they were spitting fire and brimstone at a lady who was wearing the 'Isu-agụ' attire, that she doesn't have any right whatsoever to put that on, as it is against tradition and bla, bla, bla.

A group where domestic violence is addressed by telling the woman to be more submissive/virtous and of course, the prayer part. 

A group where they will defend proving the woman's worth on the in-laws house on first visit, a group where slaving away as a wife is defended with all gusto.

A place where it is argued on whether a woman should be kneeling while serving the husband's meal. The funny not-so-funny thing is the way they argue all of these with seriousness. This group had over one million followers and that was then oo (ion know the numbers now)

Throw in Igboist (culture) and the church (faith), boy is that a recipe for disaster when it comes to talks on women's rights and liberation..

Being in such street at 16 is absolutely not a good thing for any female who is still getting used to world outside of secondary school. It's not someone that told me to vamoose ASAP.

That's why, even though I am hardly interested with feminism talks on gender roles and all of that, I will not deny that reading a couple of those posts at some point on Facebook made me a better individual in terms of mindset and voice (the voice part dị necessary)

Although at times, I am wondering why the Feminism talks wouldn't tackle "biggg issuees" as much as the "small issues" are addressed, I won't be too quick to downplay those talks as it borders around the discussions that could be termed mundane by most cos believe it or not, that is the foundation of most hindrances.

These days I am more aware of how this society works and how not to give a damn to what people think, specially random people na-enweghị dị any good thing they are adding to your life. I now know that my choice to some decisions belong to me and only me, and that the pace of my growth is dependent on how my craft is and how dedicated I am towards achieving my goals.

Unlike before, I don't share posts that are ridiculous and plain ass annoying or one that warrants me to be defending Feminism or criticising patriarchy on my wall (WhatsApp status especially). That is cos it always prompts arguments, arguments that e nwerọ m the atom of strength to fight and the ones, everyone knows that the other person you're arguing with will never every agree to what you say. So you're left with going round and round, about it all.

Because I have come to a place where I put myself first, before anything this society says or thinks, whenever issues spring up, I try to picture myself in that position and decide whether or not it is applicable to me, shikena. I cannot be ranting and venting all over on the same issues, but I'd give the movement accolades for drawing me back from a path of trepidation, induced by culture and faith as a teenager.

The me at 16 will be analysing and rationalising this man's comment and his sorry excuses for his wife to give up his job for his, in this Nigeria??

But I read the tweet and didn't think twice about the justification of his claims. I didn't even try to have an opinion on the woman's stance, cos I've checked mine, and it doesn't align, so #WeMove.

So here's me, being grateful to those championing women's right talks and all of that, una are doing God's work for women. Mgbe Ọ ga-eru nke gbasara m, I might chuke mouth, regardless daalụ nụ. 

Y'all don't know what you did for my 17 year old self, and for that I am grateful for the #NoPressure and #MentalLiberty that I got from you all. Kudos!

©️Chinenye Anikwenze