Notion xviii

I have a few thoughts that I want to let out and some questions that are gnawing on my mind.

Before I go on, I find it hard to believe that some women actually still believe that they are men's property, that the end game of female is marriage. Not only are women more empowered these days, I like to think that we are not as naive as our mothers and grandmothers were.

On relating to marriage and motherhood. I feel as though that it's the society that makes people think that way. Our extended family has it such that we have uncles and aunts interfering with our lifestyle and the notion that we are supposed to adhere to the teachings of our parents, we tend to aspire for marriage.

That is why we see women who have graduated, yet they feel as though they are failures because they are not married. I have a relation who is 29 years old, and I remember 2 years ago when her boyfriend broke up with her cos of his mother did not like her. This made her actually emanciated. Infact, my father did notice it and had to call her to ask the reason for her almost depression.

My father said something that resonated with me then, "That marriage is not the end game". I know my father can be quite traditional, but he had never made it compulsory for us to bear marriage in mind. Infact, he would say that marriage is not for everyone. Now, I'd say she is more enlightened, living her best life and trying to secure a better employment.

Indeed, that was an encouragement I needed as a young girl. I remember when I was 16 years old, my life plan was "University, Marriage, Children". I was scared of not being married before 25. Coming to the realisation that I live for myself and I don't owe anybody anything, especially if it's the society that contributed nothing to my upbringing. It was an eye-opener for me. Thus, I find it absurd to think that I had limited myself to what a hypocritical society expects of me.

I also strongly believe that religion has a long role to play with females pushing themselves down. For instance, I'd hear several times Preachers call out young women to pulpit to pray for them to get husbands while the males are prayed for better opportunities. Infact, there was this young lady that was the headmistress of my church primary school and she was going for birthday celebration Thanksgiving. When she was being prayed for, my priest's wife didn't even mention anything about her career but praying for a man to locate her before the end of that year. This happened in 2017, and I'd bet she isn't married till now.

So yeah, I believe religion limits women. Culture is also inclusive because of the highly patriarchal society that we find ourselves in. You said something about majority of conversations of girls in the hostel being about marriage, and I concur with that.
My roommates and I do have those conversations at times, I'd always try to change their minds.... That marriage is not the end thing. That we as women can have careers as well. Although we do have conversations about careers, there is not much talk as to how to achieve the career goals. There is not much discussions about career as there is about marriage and motherhood which is quite boring to me.

I like to think that I am liberal to an extent. I will also like to thank Feminism for making me enlightened to an extent as pertains to knowing who and what I could be.
That I can be more than just a wife,
That I don't need a man's house or name to be complete,
That almost everything supposedly inculcated to us are mostly status-quo by the society.

However, I find feminism to be quite tiring. When one associates with a tag, said person is expected to act a certain way, in a certain manner.
Sometimes, one is confused to be a misandrist?
Sometimes, one is confused to be wanting to be a man?
Thus, I'd rather not have a label. I just want to be an empowered woman who is not restricted by culture, religion or society.

I have quite a few challenges: I am scared of what the future might be. The future seems bleak especially in a country like Nigeria whose resources are very much limited as opposed to a populous society. I feel as a woman, I am more disadvantaged and will have to work twice as men to achieve recognition.

I am scared of what's next?
What's in it for me after University?
What do I have to offer to the society as a "nameless" female gender?
How do I push myself to be better?
How do I make myself more disciplined to learning new things?
In a society like Nigeria what skills and what sector of the economy is my services needed?
What services can I render to the society?
How can I become an asset?
What is Passion and how can I find my passion?
In a situation whereby I can leave the country, what are my chances of eligibility?
How do a young teen cope?
How should a person advance to make herself a better person than she was the previous day, hour, minute?
What footprint will I leave in this world when I die?
How does one balance her academics and skill acquisition at once?

Most times, I read about people: women making it. How do they do that? What's their strength? What exactly does being a woman entail? What push do I need to be a great person not just for myself but to be an encouragement for other women? How do I enlighten others?

The above are my thoughts and questions. Most times, I feel that I am running out of time. As a second year student, I have about 2 years left of University before going out to the labour market. Just 2 years before being expected to give back to the parents that trained me. What chances are there for me?