On My Lover, my Killer - documentary

Whenever you hear tales of people in abusive relationships, we like to say, "It can never be me." Nne, it can absolutely ever be you. The concept of "It can never be me" emanates from that feeling of superiority over others. "They're not smart enough like me. They're dumb. I know better and I can smell bullshit from miles away."

Which is valid right? Then, I watched 16 episodes of this documentary, "My lover, My killer" and anyone, absolutely anyone can be a victim. Now, you will say, "I will just leave. The first time he lays hand on me, I'm getting out with immediate alacrity." I concur. But the women in this documentary also moved on. And they still got murdered. One in 4 UK women are victims of domestic violence. I don't even want to think of Nigeria statistics.

I tried so hard to garner similarities between women that'd have made them more susceptible to being victims, I found none. Their traits varied from independent, educated, docile, extroverted, introverted, shy, successful, everything inbetween. Even checked upbringing, it also varied between those that came from happy loving home & vice versa. Checked previous relationship history, also spanned from women who'd had loving ones and those who'd been previously been in toxic ones. There isn't a woman who can't be a victim.

I also looked at the guys to deduce what characteristics that could have been obvious at the beginning, I wasn't able to pinpoint any. They were hiding in plan sight via responsible, hardworking, charismatic, likable, respectable, rich, handsome, 'perfect' partner. Some were downright assholes from start though. Just anyone could be a predator. 

The only flicker of similarity I found was the isolation and control. Of all the episodes I saw, the abuser always created that barrier between the women and their immediate families & friends. Other forms of control were relocation, knocking them up with kids and keeping them financially dependent. 

That knocking of kids is a really important point. Almost all these abusers got the victims pregnant to permanently tie themselves to their lives. Which supports that initial theory of men being more prone to abuse from pregnancy. Anyways, it's solidified the stance that If you take a test and you're pregnant, you alone should decide within yourself (without even telling the man) whether or not you want the baby. If not, send it back to its maker. If you would like to keep it, you can now tell the man. No, for real though.

The thing that vexed me even more was that it's not as if the women didn't leave the relationship and were defending actions of the abusers. They reported to the police. Most of them actually died after they had decided to leave and cut the men off from their lives. It's crazy, man. Shit is crazy. 

I would have said "only prayer can save women these days." But let's be for real, prayers don't work for abusers. If they did, Minister Osinachi would still be alive. Oh well