Getting used to loneliness

 

On Solitude/Loneliness...

I think we need to get to the point where we can fully understand the difference between solitude and loneliness...

I am someone who thrives in solitude. I prefer my own company more often than not.

Hell, since the lockdown, I've been cooped up inside the house without any inkling to go out whatsoever.

So much so that my father thought I was having a young-adult crisis.

However, that's not the case at all. Like, I don't miss anything/anybody enough to want to go and visit them.

And I don't lack for communication too much to want to meet people.

It's not as if I'm even that active on WhatsApp, I hardly reply statuses of people. Neither have I ever posted, "I am bored"

I never get bored or tired of my own company.

And as far back as I was a toddler, it was this way. I remember not liking visiting the neighbours but I had to go cos my sister was going. And being older how, I hate anything that will send me to market, anything that will make me go out just for the sake of it.

Of course, at this point, you'd be thinking, "are you sure she doesn't have a traumatic experience?"

This line of thinking is exactly why we need to normalise that people like me exist. Those of us that are too whole in our company to need another person.

This is not to say that I don't have friends or any of that, but I am content with a few conversations once in a while and everyone goes back to their lane.

I'd thought I was too weird until I watched Asa's episode of the Juice at NdaniTV.

Hers is even more extreme cos she said, if she were to marry, she'd love for her spouse and her to have separate apartments where she can go to revel in her solitude.

She said she broke up with a spec because he is always hovering around her especially in the early mornings when she always has her "me time"

When asked what will happen if there isn't a man like that, she said she's perfectly okay being alone till her demise. She won't compromise on her early mornings 5-hours  of solitude.

She loves her company too much.

And no again, it's not a trauma thing. She's been that way since childhood. She said those early hours she spends alone has been the moments she's made the best decisions, best music, etc.

Okay, maybe mine isn't as extreme as hers.

But it's of utmost importance that we understand that there are people who don't care much about the outside world.

The usual terminology will be a hermit... But that's stretching it.

In any case, I think this Solitude is something everyone should get accustomed to.

Because the fear of being alone is among the top reasons many people remain in toxic relationships.

Since they are so scared of being alone, scared that nobody will stay with them... Scared of loneliness.

Another thing is that people confuse Solitude with loneliness. You can have a crowd around you and be lonely.

People like Asa and me will never feel lonely in this world. Cos we bask in our aloneness.

I know some will misyarn again of, "aah, what of when she's older… who will now be with her?" "How will she survive?"

I won't spare any brain cells answering that, wonder till thy kingdom come...

I still maintain that if more people start being comfortable with their aloneness, we'd have lesser toxic relationships... You wouldn't tolerate as many things cos you're scared someone will leave you.

You'd really get to know yourself when you are not so busy trying to attach yourself to a friendship/relationship. Get to know yourself and you can achieve that quicker in moments of solitude.

At the end of the day, I just want y'all to understand that some of us genuinely revel in staying indoors all year long.

Mine is quite different, I want a busy life. So I know the only way I would get myself out is work. And with the kind of busy I want to have at my work, it'd be a string of travels (for business) which I will merge pleasure while at it.

That's the only way I know I can truly experience the world outside of my phone screen...

Even at that, I still cherish my solitude…and I think you should too.