On The Spotlight Effect


I really like this book: 'You Are Not So Smart Book by David McRaney' cos it really points out these cognitive biases that we human beings have.

The spotlight effect makes people think the world revolves around them. It is pure ego to assume that when I talk about my body, I am thinking about yours.

When I got down to 70kg from 83kg and said I wanted to drop to 62 or 65 kg, that goal belonged to me alone. It was never an attack on anyone who is bigger. It is not a judgment on size. I have a specific way I want my body to look and feel, and that standard comes strictly from me.

This has nothing to do with body dysmorphia. I do not set my fitness goals by comparing myself to anyone else. When I think about my own physique, no one is in the picture but myself. When I say I feel bloated or bigger, it is because the standard of how I want to look is based on my goals and my goals alone.

It is self-absorbed to believe that based on the virtue of being on the bigger side, that you influence my personal targets or that I use you as a measuring tape. Talk about egoism.

Take this past week. My siblings had birthdays, so I ate a lot of junk. I felt bloated, and honestly, I was scared to check the scale because I felt fat.

If I say out loud that I feel fat, you assume I am thinking about you. In reality, I am disappointed in myself for lacking the discipline to say no to junk food. It is pure ego to think you are relevant to my choices.

If you ask me why I want to be slim, it is about aesthetics and my own personal ego. It is about how I want to look. When I flex, I want to see my muscles. When I wear a crop top, I want to see abs. That desire is strictly about me. It is not about anyone else. You can weigh 300 pounds for all I care, because that is your body, not mine.

I hold a specific standard for myself. 

You simply do not factor into the decisions I make for my own body. Or how I think about my body.

I do not think about your body when I see you. I just don't care about your body. It's not relevant to me.

I know this water weight will drop off in a few days. Even if I gained a full kilogram, it would come right off once my routine resets.

Still, none of that science stopped my legs from feeling heavy while holding them up in boat pose this morning.

So again, get out of your head. You're not that important. And I need us to rewire our brain. It's like saying if I complain I'm broke despite having some savings, you're wondering if I think you penniless. Or like if I got a B in exam and sad cos I wanted to get an A and you got a D, that I am looking down on you. Girl puhleaseee Of course, there is nuance (situational awareness and alladat) but often times than not, people ain't thinking about you. Get out of your head. Smh

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