On Regression

I regressed.

We like to think that our future selves will be a much better, improved version of ourselves. It's the optimism that drives our day-to-day living.

What happens then when the reverse is the case? I came across a fiction I wrote in 2020, and I couldn't help but marvel at the brilliance in writing. I kept whispering to myself, "how were you good at this?"

The irony is that back that I didn't think I was any good. I'd compare my writing to others I'd seen, to published and established authors and resign myself to the fate that I'd never get to that level.

Well talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had no hope in myself, didn't think there was a future in my writing. Hence I sought other means of livelihood. Now, my mind is submerged with technical terms. Unlike the average person, when I hear or see words such as console, object, promise, pointer, block: my mind immediately goes to the programming equivalent.  

Now I can't help but imagine a future for that writer Chinenye. Where would she have been now if she had continued threading on that path. Would she ever have published a book?

I have no answer. 

But one thing is certain, she clearly underestimated how good she was. What talent she had. And in another life, I would love to think she challenged herself to be.